It was all just a crush?!

Do you ever meet a person who you’re so drawn to. And it starts off small and then step by step you realize how they are even more beautiful, as a person. At one point you’re just like…woah, their face. Just their FACE. Oh my god. Her eyes, her smile. Her eyes when she smiles, even better. Her voice and every other aspect of her personality. It appears in your head, but not in front of you. You can’t touch it and you never will, you might even never see it again. I’m torturing myself with thoughts. Don’t do this to yourself, my friends. It’s no bueno. Liking someone more than you should is not good. I thought it was just a crush and I kind of still think it is, but at the same time it isn’t, if that makes sense? There is a longing to see her in person that hurts inside and makes me feel empty, but it’s not like I think about her all day. My new tutor said that at the end of this year there’s this event where all students and all tutors come together and talk, have a drink and stuff. And I’m already looking forward to that because I’ll see my old tutor again, I mean, that is not how you’d feel if it was just a small crush, right? I make up scenarios where I walk into her at uni, or talk to her, or just anything. If she would kiss me or ask me to date her, I wouldn’t even hesitate a second. I miss her right now, oh god, why. One comforting thing is that I can’t do anything about it. I can’t stop liking her, that’s out of my control. I’m not sure why that’s comforting because I assume it should be frightening, not having control? It usually does scare me. But in a way it is comforting because I can’t blame myself and the feelings will pass the less I see her.

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