Some things I’ve learned about friends

Literally every friend, every person, is different. There are good friends and as well as bad friends. What my definition of “bad friends” is, is friends who don’t listen to you, who are not interested in you, treat you like you’re unimportant, who make you feel like you don’t matter and who put you down. From experience I’ve learned that not having friends is better than having bad friends who put you down and don’t listen to you. Not having friends (or like only having one friend who you don’t see or talk to every day) made me feel pretty lonely. It wasn’t like I  was completely friendless, I used to see some friends once every few months, which isn’t a lot of course, but still. It made me spent 90% of my time on my own, which makes you think and get to know yourself. The loneliest place was high school, the anxious feeling, the people surrounding me, please never again. My last year was the worst year I had. Because then, I literally had no friends in the entire school. I never made new friends to begin with, but now I was truly alone. God, some days I even used to be the stereotypical kid who spends their breaks in the toilet, how sad. I’m not sure where I’m going with this story about high school though. Where I want to go is that because I didn’t have any friends, I didn’t have bad friends either. No friends means not having a lot of social interaction, sharing problems etc and basically bottling everything up. Though having bad friends means having some sort of social interaction, possibly express (some of) your concerns and problems, but while you do that, you get negative responses from your friends. I actually believe having no friends or having bad friends are very different and the effects they have on you differ as well. It’s like being the “abandoned/ignored child” and the “rejected child”. For me, not making new friends and just barely having friends completely broke down my confidence. It made me feel weird, like there was something wrong with me. Was I boring? I started to believe I was the most boring person to ever exist. My appearance? Don’t even. After high school, which is right now, I started university. I’ve now been studying Psychology for 6 months and I’ve made three wonderful friends, like really. They are the friends I never dreamt of having. I tell them basically everything. The stuff about my best friend and you know, they’re so helpful and they listen and they’re supportive and try to help and it’s exactly the other way around too. Besides those friends I’ve also met A LOT of other nice people who I can talk to and sit next to and have a nice conversation and stuff. I just need to go back in time because in my last year of high school I started working at my local supermarket, where I first made new friends in 6 years time. I got back in touch with a friend who I hadn’t seen in many many years and started seeing one of my friends a lot more often. After a few months I also made two new friends and soon enough the five of us became a group of friends, a clique. That was (and is) my first adolescent “friend group” I had, at the age of 17. After about a year now, I realize that only one (maybe two) of those people really care(s) about me. The others barely show any interest in me and I don’t trust them (enough), they judge me on some level and don’t show much support. They’re on a completely different emotional level and way of thinking than I am and that makes it harder to interact with them. There are things they don’t understand about the world and they don’t see the world like I do, like we have completely different views. At one point I was tired of being their friend because I felt like they just didn’t care and they made me feel really unimportant. The thing is that I always have to listen to them, to their complaints and problems, but when there’s something that bothers me: no reaction and no interest. And I’ve been distancing myself from those two friends, especially one of them, and it makes me feel a bit better because there’s less negativity in my life. In the end, I think all that I’ve learned from this is that I and everyone else, only deserve people who add something positive to their life.

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