Update

Haven’t been writing for a long long time. So much has happened. So freaking much. I’m not going to write it down here. I don’t like that. I’d rather not think about it. So what I will do is tell a happy story.

I started using Tumblr in September: my bestfriend recommended it to me and we made my account on her laptop. I will say this: it’s isn’t a story about Tumblr, no, not at all. I’d say it’s about…friendship maybe? Yes.

So I started using tumblr. My bestfriend followed someone, I’ll call her Turtle. Her blog was so lovely, it still is, by the way, and I started following her. So at one point I sent her an anonymous message. It’s just that I’m very shy, even on the internet, so I’m not comfortable with opening up or how you’d like to describe it. She asked me to come off anon, so I did. Nothing special about that, we didn’t talk much. After a few weeks she sent me a message: how I was doing. I was fine, whilst I was not. I told her I was fine, end of conversation. Another message after some time. And I honestly don’t know how, but..oh wait I do know how. I know how I told her everything about how I feel. Everything. And she was the first who I have ever told that to. I thought: okay, after this we’ll probably never talk again. But she said we should keep in touch, that I should tell her how things are going. We kept sending messages. Though stupid tumblr did not let us have contact: it ate our messages ;p. So then we would just have to talk on msn. And we considered each other friends from that moment on. She’s a lovely person. It sucks that there is a small ocean between us, because she lives in the UK. It’s so nice to have someone to ”talk” to. Just to make you feel better. When I have had a fight with my mum, for example. We’ll probably have a video chat anytime soon. I’m very curious about how she sounds, because she has a welsh accent heh. She’s the person who knows the most about me, and I’ve known her for one month now, and not even in real life. But I think I already care about her so much, I really do.

.

I’m writing this on 5th January
We have become amazing friends. Our friendship is so honest, except for the fact that I still lie about how I feel. It’s just that I don’t want to bother her. I feel like it’s annoying. I know it doesn’t bother her at all, she told me that twice. And she hates me being sad. But with honest I actually meant that she’s the first person I haven’t lied to about who I am.

I knew I cared about her a lot. I didn’t know that it was mutual. But I found out it is. It’s so nice to have a friend from who you know she cares as much about you as you do about her. That’s like, rare. We can talk about anything. We talk about serious things, which break my heart. But then right after, we make eachother feel happy again by doing silly and it’s so lovely. Honestly, she’s the only person who can actually make me feel better. Well, she and the boy I like, but I only see him once a week. My best friend, she can also make me feel better. But Turtle, she can cheer me up through msn.

What you see on tumblr pretty often, is those lines about how distance sucks for relationships. Well, for us, distance sucks for our friendship. It would be so great if we could actually know eachother. We both don’t have a social life, so I could keep her company whilst babysitting, or just when she feels down.

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